///Indie Journal Daily///

Monday, November 21, 2011

When I read in the news that the National Civil War Museum was looking for a new CEO, I immediately applied. It was barely two days before the newly formed search committee that is overseeing candidates for the position called me, offering an interview. I told them I did not want to interview them; I wanted them to consider me for the job.

After settling on a date to visit the committee members, I decided it would be smart to invest in some new clothing to impress them. I called Herman, a friend of mine whose hobbies include Civil War enacting. Herman said he could save me money by loaning me a double-breasted coat, like generals on the side of the North wore. I asked him if he had one in Exorcist green but had to settle for blue.

As soon as I sat down for the interview, one of the committee members asked if the uniform belonged to me.

“What uniform?” I said, looking at my body. “This is just something I normally wear. Isn’t it cheeky? I have it in two colors.”

“How do you handle being responsible for more than twenty-four thousand war artifacts?” asked a committee member.

“I would have no problem,” I said, “as long as after each work day I didn’t have to count them to be sure no one took something.”

“We need to test your knowledge of the war by asking a few questions.”

“Are they multiple choice?”

“No.”

“Okay, then, but make ‘em easy.”

“Are you serious about this position?”

“That was a quote from General Grant’s second in command when he realized the general fell asleep drunk on his horse.”

“Sir, this position is not about to be filled with a buffoon.”

“So you want me to tell the other guy waiting in the lobby that he doesn’t have a chance if he isn’t dressed like a general?”

“Get out.”

Later that day I discovered that the museum job only paid around sixty thousand a year, so I would have had to decline the position even if they didn’t kick me out.

Labels: adventure, civil war, comedy, Cotolo, CWO, interviews, jobs, museum, want ads

Frank Cotolo 6:56 PM